Monday, September 15, 2008

Kidney Stone Kris

I'm not at school right now. I'm supposed to be at school right now. But right now I'm in front of my computer in a Norco-induced stupor trying to make my fingers hit the right keys so I can relay the events of this morning while it's still fresh.

I started the morning like most mornings: get up at 0 dark forty five, head to gym, run 5.5 miles, come home, get kids up, get husband off to work (after wishing him happy birthday!!!), get myself ready for school, ignore pain in lower back and "other" areas, eat breakfast, ignore increasing pain in lower back and "other" areas, say goodbye to children, drive to school, start to sweat and then shiver, can't ignore pain in lower back and "other" areas, walk in to school, climb stairs, try not to throw up on stairs, walk back downstairs, inform secretary that this teacher is having a kidney stone attack and will need to leave immediately, could you please get a sub??? Of course, get out of here and take care of yourself, Kris!

Drive to emergency clinic located in Albertson's, find out it's closed until 9:00, walk out to car to wait for 2o minutes, help guy jump his car (can't he see I'm in excruciating pain???), car gets jumped, clinic opens, can't be seen at this location because no "specimens" can be taken due to fact that clinic is in grocery store. For. Pete's. Sake!!! Drive to other clinic down hill, shakily walk to clinic which is clear in far back region of store, read note on door that states physician is sick, walk through store again to car, call regular doctor who should have been called in first place, drive in hunched over position to 3rd location, "walk" in to clinic, "say" name to receptionist, "sit" in hard chair waiting for doctor to see me. Yeah, it was as painful to experience as it is to read this silly post!

Long story short, I've had about 8 kidney stone attacks in the past 12 years, I've had to make 3 trips to the ER, I've had 2 ureteroscopies, AND I've had lithotripsy (to blast the suckers!!) so I KNOW when I'm having an attack. I think I should just keep a supply of Norco on hand just for this reason. Nothing can help. No position is comfortable. No one can understand unless he or she has had an attack. Childbirth is less painful. Fetal positions are of no comfort! AAAHHHH.

I'm OK. Once I get a pain pill in my system, my body relaxes, and that #$%#@ kidney stone
slips its sweet, dragon headed, jagged edged way out of my body like nothing ever happened! Curse you, kidney stone, curse you! So, that's my story. I'm not at school. I'm sitting in front of the computer in a now goofy feeling Norco induced haze. My kidney stone is in the sewer where it belongs for all eternity!

Oh, and by the way, if the pharmacist at Albertson's is reading this, I'm not a drug seeker, I usually have color in my face, and I have a very long attention span when my back is not threatening to explode from the inside out! ( Just in case you were wondering.)

I'm off to drink lots of water...


jo said...

I Love Norco! I'm sorry you had to go through all that this morning!!!! I can't even imagine the you managed to get yourself are one tough cookie!!! Gall Bladder attacks were enough for me...YUP! That is where my love for Norco began:) Well...enjoy your happy, painless, Norco stupor. Take Care!

Stephanie said...

Kris, I'm so sorry you had such a *$#@*% day! I cringed just reading about it. I hope you're feeling better really soon. Glad that stone is rotting in the sewer where it belongs! Take Care of yourself!

Steph W

Tracy said...

OOOOOWWWW!!! KRIS! You poor thing - I wish I could have helped you somehow! Go watch a great chick flick with your feet up - you deserve it!!!

Idaho Wagners said...

I can't believe how painful that sounds! I have heard it is so much worse than childbirth - so I can only imagine!!! Glad you are doing better. Also, someday you will have to teach me how to add a "blogs I love to visit" list.