Wednesday, December 23, 2009

I can't bake, but I can POP!

Lately the baking around the Ball house has been a series of tried and failed scientific experiments. Messes occurring before the oven is entered, messes occurring during the baking process, and a disaster when the finished product emerges from the oven. I'm not sure what's wrong with my baking skills as of late, but they pretty much suck.

I think there are several reasons for this inability to create a gastronomical success. Here are my theories:

#1: I didn't get the baking gene from my parents. I mean, seriously, how come my mother and sisters can bake and create beautiful concoctions, have a delectable recipe for everything, and present it in such a Martha Stewart fashion??? Huh, Mom, Teressa, Aly, Emily??? Not.Fair.

#2: I am a HUGE multitasker. I can't even watch TV without having laundry or schoolwork in front of me. So, when I bake, I'm usually doing laundry, the dishes, homework with the kids, cleaning the bathroom - (don't worry, I wash my hands), and getting dinner ready at the same time. I just listen for the timer to go off...

#3: I think people leave out ingredients or one step of the direction just to frustrate me and make my baked goods look like a science project gone wrong. This happened last Sunday when I tried to make a recipe from a certain blog. Let's just say, the blog was a total and complete lie. I think the recipe was made up and the pictures the blogger took were from some other place. My cookies DID NOT look like hers and to show her a thing or two, I deleted her blog from my sidebar. Yes, I am heartless! Nah, nah, nah, nah, naaaaah!

I think those are enough reasons to show my incompetence in the kitchen and around stoves. Suffice it to say that my neighbors will not be receiving anything baked, or anything that has to rise, be creamed, sifted, beaten, rolled out, set to a hard or soft ball stage. Nope. They'll have to wait for another, better neighbor to deliver those things.

However, lest this post seem too negative on my part, I do want to add that even though I may not be the baker in my family,

I can sure pop popcorn!

I can also put carmel on top of it!

And stir it through.

I can put it in cute tins!

I can deliver it to a couple of neighbors
(but only a couple since I ate most of it...).

Yep, that's what I can do this Christmas season.
I hope my mom and sisters can understand.


Amanda said...

LOL. You are hilarious! I loved this post. Carmel popcorn rocks anyway!

Ashlee said...

Oh Kris.. don't worry, you are not the only non-baker in the family :D You can always give your neighbors a chocolate candy bar and tell them that is your rendition of homemade fudge! The popcorn looks yummy! I hope you're enjoying Lyssa.. we miss her!

jo said...

When I first read your title, It came out " I can't bake, but I can POOP!"...just thought I'd share...I was laughing really hard :) Sorry about the baking...baking is tricky and I think one needs a lot of practice and has to stay on top of those pies...forget it...I don't even try anymore!!! I do have a YUMMY nut recipe ;) that I know you could do...because I've never messed it up...turns out nicely every.single.time. Hope your Christmas is merry!

Lori said...

haha. i like you kris.

Aly G said...

Oh Kris you don't give yourself the credit you soooo deserve! I think some of my fav recipes come from kris ball. I think you are a great cook!! You CRACK me up:)